Everyone goes through difficult times such as illness, school failure, failure in a relationship, or a confused vision of life in general that may cause us disappointments. But some are not, there are those who feel that they are always the victim, who is always the target without everyone else and who is shocked by the disappointment of people.
Social media is buzzing with these characters, who are always envied and idealistic to the extent that others do not appreciate them, as they live in the illusion of perfection in that virtual world.
Ashley Elizabeth, a psychotherapist with a master’s degree in psychology, says in an article for LIFEHACK that it is okay to feel the urge to search for sympathy and compassion with our feelings from time to time. But it is always giving in to that desire that makes us fall into the trap of the victim role.
Victim mentality is a learned trait, in which a person tends to feel that he is a victim of the negative actions of others, and it is a form of avoidance and flight; That is, the belief in “refusing to bear any responsibility towards oneself.”
Steve Marbouly says the victim mentality will make you dance with the Devil and then complain that you are in Hell.
How do you discover that you live with a victim mentality?
1- Dramatically dramatize problems
If you always exaggerate the size of your regular problems, and treat them as a disaster, even the smallest harassment is considered the end of the world, if you always think that the worst will happen, do not worry, what you think will come true, always ask yourself, What is the worst that could happen? At this point, you will be ready to receive anything, and to expect worse.
2- You feel helpless
Bad things may happen to everyone; But the person with the victim mentality has a negative feeling in most cases, he cannot act and properly deal with difficult situations, at this moment you have to focus on things that you can change, just thinking that will give you a sense of strength, and to regain control of the course of affairs.
There is another way that Ashley Elizabeth finds effective in getting rid of the feeling of helplessness, you just have to practice saying “no”, you don’t have to do everything that is expected of you, put your own needs first.
3- Negative self-talk
Self-doubt is closely related to the person with the victim mentality, as soon as someone falls in love with the owner of this mentality, he will subconsciously sabotage his efforts, in order to match his feelings of unworthiness, if you feel that you do not deserve the appreciation of those around you, then you will You always think that the whole world is allying against you.
4- A monster waiting for you outside
If you think that bad things happen only to you, and that the world is constantly rushing towards hurting you, then you live in the mindset of the victim, sometimes things happen wrong, and your task is to find in these challenges an opportunity for mental growth, life usually forces us to rise to the next level.
Stop playing the victim
In his book, Dangerous Relationships, Professor of Psychiatry, Dr.Muhammad Taha, explains how to get out of the cloak of the victim’s personality and give up the low self-view. Being a victim is considered a survivor, you are no longer a victim of the circumstances of your life and upbringing, you are a survivor.
To really start taking positive steps toward being a survivor, you need to develop new self-skills that push you to change your negative beliefs about yourself.
If you do start taking these steps, it will be the first way to be in total control of your life, taking full responsibility, whether positive or negative, rather than seeing the world only in black or white terms.