Most parents who are seeking to retire just want to know are we going to pay our kids forever? Fortunately, the answer in most cases is no. However, if you are tired of the endless gym, smartphone, and cosmetic bills your adult children send you to pay, and you want to hurry to stop it, there are some strategies to help you put your kids on the first path to independence without risking your financial security, or their security, without feeling By default towards them.
When does the transition phase begin?
The independence phase begins early in childhood, with the participation of a physically able son in the tasks of cleaning his room and organizing his clothes and books. Some needs, such as education, are a disguised field for giving money to children. Paying college tuition can be an investment in a son’s future and his employment.
In turn, such arguments create dependency. Therefore, adult children (over 18 years of age) should not be allowed to live without participating in paying rent, or setting a deadline for their expenses. Here some education teachers suggest stopping paying the son’s bills as soon as he graduates, and setting a specific date to do so, while others recommend gradually easing, and informing the children of the nature of the transition period.
In general, parents should strive to make their children financially independent between the ages of 18 and 22.
This must be done before the stage at which his motivation to act dies; The Pew Center found that nearly a quarter of people between the ages of 25 and 34 now live with their parents or grandparents, up 11% from 1980, and 73% of fathers and mothers just before retirement age were the breadwinner. Main to their children due to economic conditions, and willing to make sacrifices to keep it going.
When do you give him the money?
1 – Pay for his stay with you and food expenses after graduation and during his search for work, in exchange for his contribution in non-financial ways such as cooking, cleaning, shopping and accomplishing some of your work tasks such as sending marketing emails or delivering requests, and save during that period to reward him at the beginning of his path to independence; Even if the transition is prolonged, you will feel better about lending a hand if you know that your son is working hard to achieve self-sufficiency, and that there are strong reasons that prevent him from relying on himself so far.
2 – Give a one-time bonus aimed at starting a fruitful life, such as a limited amount to start a small project, a used car to move according to the requirements of a new job, or the first month’s rent for a room close to his new job.
In other words, those payments that will help your children help themselves; Because the more you help him settle into his new job, the more you will be able to withdraw.
3 – The basic question that you should ask yourself when deciding whether to provide or continue assistance is: Will providing money to your son or daughter help him achieve self-sufficiency or prolong his dependence on you? Because many young people change their goals several times before settling into a career, and helping them figure out what they really want to do and get training for it can be just the spending, if you can afford it.
4 – If money is needed for an urgent matter, such as emergency surgery, medical bills, or being fired from work, then this is a matter that does not need thinking, so parents should help in such situations as long as they can afford it, in order to save him temporarily. After the father and son make every effort to search for alternatives, before financial support.
5- According to a report by the New York Times, law professors advise parents to give their adult children cash gifts while they are alive, rather than writing all the possessions in a will. This helps an adult son when he is most in need of his father; Those who wank are included under the heading of parents who make financial decisions that harm their children as well.
When do I not agree to pay?
1 – Do not overstate something dear, or pay what you cannot afford, or you may need, or puts you below the poverty line, if the son puts you under the pressure of guilt, and he asks for additional money for trivial reasons such as taking a trip, buying a high-tech smartphone, and the like That is a luxury.
2 – Do not allow more than 10% of your liquid assets to be spent on your adult child; According to lawyers’ estimates, a person spends 90% of his money in the last 10 years of his life. Because of medical expenses and care costs.
3 – If the son does not show understanding of your financial situation, or neglects to improve his financial situation, and continues to ask for money, you can stop offering the money as a gift, present it as a loan, and write a legal contract obligating the son to pay the money. It is better not to be lenient with the son and to cancel the contract easily if he fails the first time, there is no guarantee that the son will return the money if you need it when you are sick.
4- Giving a son money at certain stages, such as graduation from college, marriage or childbearing, may fuel some feelings of anger and hatred between siblings, especially those who did not marry or have a child. Therefore, this must be documented in the will in order not to instil enmity between them in the future.