It’s easy to feel angry and frustrated when your child challenges you and continues to behave in rude behavior despite a warning not to do so. But it is important to remind yourself that defiance and non-compliance are normal behavior problems for children in most cases.
With a little patience and correct behavior control strategies, you can guide your children how to make the right choices while reducing the amount of unacceptable behavior you face.
Dr. Heather Maguire, behavior analyst and certified school psychologist, talks about how parents can motivate their children to act better. A measure of power and freedom, choosing a penal system that will change negative behavior, and teach your children respectful negotiation skills.
In an article on Attentivebehavior, Catherine Tsereis, Ph.D. in the field of behavior analysis and modification, stresses that the failure of children to follow good behavior is not an individual problem, rather all parents suffer from it at some point.
As psychotherapist Amy Morin on Verywellfamily says non-compliance and challenging behavior a child adopts can be part of a child’s healthy development. When children test and try to cross the limits set for them, they try to be more independent. While emerging independence is healthy, the pattern of ongoing challenge is not.
Both authors, Tessiris and Maureen, offer a number of important tips for managing negative parenting behavior, as follows:
Reward the positive behavior
Focus on the good things your son does, rather than focusing on the negative behavior and thus paying attention to it. Look for opportunities to praise your child for good behavior. Whether he’s following instructions, sitting quietly, watching TV, doing his homework, putting his dirty clothes in the basket, or anything else you want to see him do a lot, pause for a moment and say “Good job.”
The more you praise a certain behavior, the more likely your child will repeat this type of “good behavior” in the future.
Avoid rewarding negative behavior
in time Himself، Avoid As much as possible, pay attention to negative behavior by maintaining a neutral facial expression and tone while your son does a negative action, knowing that this is one of the most difficult skills that parents can master, but it is actually better to focus on the child and not on the behavior.
Avoid using negative words such as “no,” “stop,” but tell him what he can do. If your son is drawing on the wall, tell him, “You can draw on paper or on the whiteboard.” Remember that what you direct your child’s attention to is what you will get the most.
Choose the battle you are fighting
What if your kid asks for his tablet during dinner and you say no, then starts yelling or any other inappropriate behavior? It is clear that he cannot be reconciled with that, or this will become his permanent behavior.
The “battle of wills” between you can easily turn into a continuous stream of noises, stops, and prohibitions, as the child engages in inappropriate behavior one by one in order to gain attention or reach what he wants.
Therefore, you must choose your fights carefully with your son, if playing on the tablet during dinner prevents your son from eating his meal, or if dinner is a special family time, then by all means use the word “no”.
However, if fathers and mothers themselves check their phones during meals, then perhaps this is not a matter worth fighting for, in order to provide a coherent overall context for our children and for the “no” we say to them to be meaningful.
Advance interventions are a different strategy based on reducing the likelihood of negative behavior, and include, for example, knowing when your son needs to sleep or taking a break so that stress does not turn into inappropriate requests at the moment.
It also includes providing your child with choices about what he will and when he will do it, and using a reminder method to facilitate the transition from favorite activities to less preferred activities.
Non-compliance can be kids’ way of getting a lot of attention, although it is negative attention that some kids crave it anyway. Ignoring negative behavior is an effective way to eventually make kids polite.
But another way to stave off interest-seeking behavior is by giving your child daily doses of positive attention. As playing and spending time together, just a few minutes of positive attention can go a long way in reducing a challenge.
Make sure that the behavior of your children not listening to you is intentionally caused, as your children may not hear you because they are distracted while playing their video games or while using their phones, in this case you need to give directions differently to your children, eye contact may help or Put a hand on the shoulder to get his attention before speaking. Make sure your children are alert so that they can understand what you are asking them to do.
Show specific options
One of the best ways to combat negative behavior is to make choices. When you present options, your children feel that they have some control over the situation. Avoid questions like “Want to dress up now?” Because a rebellious child will automatically say “no”, instead ask questions like “Do you want to wear your red shirt or the yellow shirt?”
The famous polishing rule
One of the best ways to encourage compliance with what you ask of your children can be a rule of discipline followed by our grandmothers that frames things as incentives instead of focusing on negative consequences.
Children feel they have some control, so instead of saying, “You can’t play a video game because you didn’t clean your room,” try saying, “You can play the video game as soon as you finish cleaning your room.”