Sometimes out of love, and perhaps out of jealousy, grandparents resort to directing their arrows at the parents by interfering in raising children or providing advice without being asked by anyone. Undoubtedly, criticizing the mother may upset her and confuse her plans for raising children, but the ongoing disputes will not be in the interest of Anyone, so here is a set of tips for dealing with a mother-in-law if her constant criticism threatens the stability of your family life.
1- Find the cause
Some mothers-in-law may feel lonely or helpless in their lives, and they may impose themselves as experts in the lives of others, by providing advice that no one has asked for, and they may believe that intervention in parenting is the best way to show love to the grandchildren.
Regardless of the reason, these possibilities will help you to deal with the criticism without taking it personally, and regard these criticisms as behavior of the parents rather than an evaluation of your parenting skills, then the response will be easier.
2- Reply without offense
If we stop resisting people who come to us with unwanted advice and criticism, then their behavior simply loses its effect. This may mean that you smile upon hearing the criticism, and thank them for their advice on choosing toys or the quality of food, or you can repeat the phrase “You may be right to do so.” This is how the mother-in-law will find no need for her constant criticism and will gradually give up trying.
Remember that some people do not have the skills to think about what they say or express what they really want. The reason for your mother-in-law’s criticism of raising your children may be due to your neglect of her and the loss of communication that was before the baby was born, and instead of saying, “I miss our old conversations,” she says, “You hate me and keep me away from Your children. “
This assumption may ease your reaction to it, especially since our feeling and reaction are influenced by what we think about a person’s intention when he tells us something painful.
3- Motivating children against you
Some mothers-in-law bribes children to spend the weekend with them and reject the father and mother’s plans to go on a trip, or alone with children and abuse the mother without her knowledge, but your children are your children, if you trust them and raise them, they will not turn against you easily.
If the children repeat phrases like “Our grandmother loves us more” or “We will sleep with our grandmother and will not go to Toy City” and you are afraid to question them so that they do not get used to slandering, respond with a slight curiosity and a smile and start a normal conversation, such as saying, “Really? This is an idea, right? What will we do?” If we stay in Grandma’s house? ”And so the idea will evaporate, provided you don’t criticize their grandmother so that it does not cause emotional trauma to your children.
4- Take control of your life
Organize your special family events to suit you and your family, invite your husband’s family in person, or initiate contact with mother-in-law to schedule a visit with the children, this will show the children your willingness to build a good relationship with the family and give you control over the schedules of your family’s life.
5- Do not defend yourself
Sometimes we face the other with the truth and we do not get the result we want, because our words put him in a weak position, so he turns on us and attacks us cruelly.
There is a great saying, “In anger, get out with love,” if you can do that, you take off your opponent’s weapon from his hand. Even if your mother-in-law uses your child to criticize you, you just have to do the same thing, but by saying, “Look how much your grandmother loves you, she thinks of you. All the time, “etc.
6- Stay calm
Know that the relationship of your children with their grandparents is a special relationship with them, and children should not be pushed to hate them based on their behavior with you, or to use them as a weapon in a fight between adults, as this completely destroys the children, if your husband’s parents are manipulative, aggressive and passive, then your children will see everything in the end on their own.
It is difficult, but try to keep your calm no matter what, and protect your children by mentioning the grandfather and the grandmother of good, and indicating how much they love their grandchildren, and this will pay off in the long run.