Everyone suffers from self-destructive behaviors, starting with those negative and disturbing inner voices, which appear when you feel anxious or want to try something new. You say to yourself, “You can’t do that,” “People will laugh at you,” “You are not good enough.” The last time you did it failed, don’t try again.
According to Practicalrecovery, self-defeating behavior occurs when we find ourselves repeating the same behaviors that make us feel helpless and lead to self-sabotage and take us away from what we want, or distract us from our goals. These behaviors destroy your vitality and leave you exhausted and without the strong energy you need to make Your life is better.
There are some common and self-destructive behavioral patterns such as stubbornness and the need to be always right, trying to please people at the expense of your happiness or health, blame and inability to take responsibility for your mistakes, refusal to ask for help, fear of health risk, or conversation Negative self, feelings of guilt, and feelings of unworthiness of the good things in life.
Psychologist Sean Grover says in an article on Psychologytoday that you are usually aware of self-defeating habits, but you are not conscious enough to challenge them, and you have become so familiar with them that you rush to implement them and be indifferent.
Grover adds that to break free from the habits of self-defeat, the first three features of depleting energy and eliminating ambition and happiness must be recognized, which he observed while practicing psychotherapy during the last 25 years, namely:
1. The complaint
Complaining is the enemy of happiness, whatever the satisfaction you get can be considered worthless because of your chronic complaint habit. It is true that there is nothing wrong with feeling discontent sometimes, especially if that will make us challenge ourselves and get rid of the obstacles around us.
But chronic complaint without taking a positive action forms one of the patterns of negative thinking, pessimism and despair, and reinforces the feeling of helplessness in the face of frustration, and drains your energy, and becomes a chronic source of frustration for you and others around you, and the result is an indifferent attitude that absorbs joy from life.
Neglecting yourself leads to diseases of the body, mind, and spirit. You cannot enjoy life sustainably or develop resilience. If you are sleep deprived, do not exercise, or ignore healthy eating habits, your mind craves stimulation, the body craves movement, the spirit craves balance, and people who They choose to ignore all three and engage in self-neglect creating a lifestyle that will lead to depression or social anxiety.
Often times we know what to do, but we postpone taking the necessary steps and actions, procrastination leads to missed opportunities and regret, and fuels isolation, distrust and emotional fragility. When we procrastinate, we deny ourselves a better way of being.
Why do we continue to have these habits?
According to PracticalRecovery, these are often learned behaviors and have become habitual ways of dealing with difficult situations.
At some point in our lives – whether it’s in early childhood or adulthood – we may have acquired these habits and learned that engaging in these behaviors helps relieve stress.
The goal now is to break these unwanted habits by replacing these destructive behaviors with positive strategies and tools that make us fight in life to get what we deserve from them.
Challenge habits of defeat
Practical Recovery and Psychology Today offers a number of simple ways in which you can start to get rid of self-defeating habits, namely:
Write it down: List the habits you want to change and write them down on paper so that you start to be more aware of them.
Create a business plan: Identify steps you can take today to address these habits.
Know your triggers: It is important to be able to recognize the sensitive and vulnerable circumstances or relationship that drive you to act in ways that defeat yourself. This begins with knowing the situations or relationships that arouse you, then you know that you are in control of what you allow in your life, and then you exercise this actual ability to control.
Replace negative habits: Your old habits may not disappear easily even though you wish, so it is extremely beneficial to start rebuilding healthy coping strategies in life by filling your life with positive people, interactions, or environments. By delving into these positive experiences, you will begin to learn new skills. Rely on them to get rid of old habits.
Patience: It takes time to practice new skills and start changing past behaviors. We all make mistakes and are not perfect, so practice being vigilant and present in the moment so you can make honest decisions when faced with familiar situations.
Ask for support: Overcoming the habits of self-defeating with support is always more successful than challenging it on your own, so you should seek support from those close to you or enroll in some useful training courses in this regard.